Coffee haiku: Untitled #3, in an occasional series

Caffeinated joe;
Java gift effulgent;
Regnant moka heart.

Diaspora

Maintain control of your web info. Communicate directly, not through a corporate server like Facebook where your data security is vulnerable, but instead, use encrypted messages. Pledge to support Diaspora; I did.  You can get a cool shirt . . .

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/196017994/diaspora-the-personally-controlled-do-it-all-distr#

or

http://www.joindiaspora.com

and, check out MetaFilter.  I just discovered it and plan to join.

Financial crisis: Where's our Greek riot?

Financial crisis: Where's our Greek riot?

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Eco-sustainability

Straw Bale Houses Built in England Withstand Hurricanes
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2010/05/straw-house-built.php

Urban Farms Take to the Roofs
http://www.salon.com/food/feature/2010/05/17/community_gardens_slide_show  (requires subscription possibly)

Vertical Farms in Cities
http://www.verticalfarm.com/

In the last class discussion we had Wednesday, over an article entitled: "Medical Anthropology:  Malnutrition in Malawi" a student seriously proposed that food aid should not be provided to poor people in 3rd world countries because A.  their population would grow because the children wouldn't die, and B.  the country wouldn't be able to continue feeding a growing population.

I can understand but not agree with the perspective.  It's a perspective born out of privilege, relative wealth, and inexperience.  While she didn't seem like a rich student, she had clothes and looked clean and well fed.  Her family life may be horrible, but I doubt if she's watched while her siblings starved to death at home.

I wish I knew how to break through.  I'll look for more ideas.  We couldn't watch "Healers of Ghana" this semester because I was sick and cancelled that class, but most students like it for the perspective it provides.

When?

http://todayspictures.slate.com/20100512/   Photo #15

We kill young men, don't we?

The following is taken from a longer piece on NPR's Homepage.  The link is at the end of the excerpt.

'The Truth About Homicide'

Now a senior reporter at the L.A. Times, Jill Leovy started The Homicide Report in 2007 after noticing the huge disparity in the way murders were covered by the news media. The sensational stories, mostly the outliers and anomalies, got the most attention. But the majority of homicides were largely ignored.

"The first year I was in the Watts homicide unit, that unit had 60 murders that year," she tells NPR's Guy Raz. "I was shadowing the detectives, and we were running on murders every other day. Every morning they had CNN on, or something on, and it would have the latest installment of the Laci Peterson murder." The sensational case of a pregnant wife murdered by her husband enthralled the nation for months.

"The detectives in that unit were fascinated with it. Every day, we would have a moment of discussing the newest development in that case, and then they'd go on to do the 60 other murders that year — and that is homicide in America.

"The truth about homicide," she says, "is that it is black men in their 20s, in their 30s, in their 40s. The way we guide money and policy in this country, we do not care about those people. It's not described as what's central to our homicide problem, and I wanted people to see that. I wanted people to see those lives and to see that that's our real homicide problem in America.

"The money needs to go to black male argument violence," she continues. "Anything else … you're dealing with the margins of the problem, statistically, and it's not right."

Nobody Deserves To Be Murdered

Leovy wants to give a name, an identity and a story to every person who was murdered in L.A. County. She wants society to get away from "medieval notions" of deserving or not deserving to be killed.

"I don't care if they're the worst thug in the world," she says, adding, "some of these guys are really, really deeply, criminally involved characters. Many of them have killed people."

"You don't have it coming in a gang shooting," she says, "you need to be arrested and prosecuted.

"A lot of the money we spend is based on the presumption that the victims are guilty in some ways," Leovy explains. She hears all the time how terrible it is that young men are killing each other, how they need to shape up. She argues the discussion needs to be reframed.

"When we talked about domestic violence, we never talked about how these women were so delinquent and terrible and they needed to get their heads together and be taught right. We talked about protecting them from people who are trying to hurt them. We don't talk about men that way."

I've thought about this problem frequently.  People love the sensational, the cultural violations - young pretty pregnant women, the Madonna and child figure - are not the sacrifice and when they are, the sacrifice is horrific.  Young men of color are the cannon fodder of our society.

from http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=126853039

A Teacher's Nightmare

SO: the other night I had the weirdest dream. Yes, boring, but still, it reflects the situations teachers encounter and the often humorous situations that result.

At any rate, I dreamed that my class in Physical Anthro was supposed to learn about population genetics. In the dream, I turned the page in the book, even though I don't lecture from the book, and saw that the topic was population genetics. I said 'just a minute' and began scanning the section. I became engrossed (entranced!) by Hardy-Weinberg equilibrium and as I was looking through the material, I realized that the class had gone eerily silent. I looked up to find that the classroom was empty! During my reading, the students had quietly packed up their things and left. I looked at the clock, and realized I had spent 15-20 minutes standing at the front of the room, thinking and reading about Hardy-Weinberg.

The fact that this nearly happened to me in lab (minus the students exiting the classroom) is the probable impetus for the dream, but it also speaks to the larger issues I think about: the complexity of material covered in two or three paragraphs of an introductory textbook; the need for students to understand basic mathematic and statistical principles in order to understand a complex world; and, how teachers can most effectively present material that is complex and mathematically based. I'm still working on the last one.

I intend to dramatically revamp the physical course, giving much more weight to homework assignments, making the tests easier, and perhaps developing small, problem-based group exercises for each unit. I tried the last, a bit, when I assigned articles to discuss in that class, but I found that too many students were unprepared to understand half of the articles.

Two related articles that illustrate my point:

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20627603.600-neanderthals-not-the-only-apes-humans-bred-with.html

and

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/05/13/seth-roberts-on-orwe.html

NYU Students Raise More than $100,000 to Build Facebook Alternative

NYU Students Raise More than $100,000 to Build Facebook Alternative

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Baby names of 1990

1 Michael 462,180 2.2505 Jessica 302,994 1.5434
2 Christopher 360,115 1.7535 Ashley 301,741 1.5370
3 Matthew 351,530 1.7117 Emily 237,173 1.2081
4 Joshua 329,012 1.6021 Sarah 224,063 1.1413
5 Jacob 298,098 1.4515 Samantha 223,948 1.1407
6 Nicholas 275,245 1.3403 Amanda 190,942 0.9726
7 Andrew 272,671 1.3277 Brittany 190,798 0.9719
8 Daniel 271,885 1.3239 Elizabeth 172,460 0.8785
9 Tyler 262,240 1.2769 Taylor 168,995 0.8608
10 Joseph 260,444 1.2682 Megan 160,330 0.8167
11 Brandon 259,340 1.2628 Hannah 158,690 0.8083
12 David 253,303 1.2334 Kayla 155,856 0.7939
13 James 244,818 1.1921 Lauren 153,547 0.7821
14 Ryan 241,139 1.1742 Stephanie 149,753 0.7628
15 John 239,809 1.1677 Rachel 148,958 0.7588
16 Zachary 225,214 1.0966 Jennifer 147,972 0.7537
17 Justin 220,040 1.0714 Nicole 136,051 0.6930
18 William 217,648 1.0598 Alexis 131,143 0.6680
19 Anthony 216,131 1.0524 Victoria 117,415 0.5981
20 Robert 205,339 0.9999 Amber 115,574 0.5887

from: http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/decades/names1990s.html

Mothering

Read this:

http://www.slate.com/id/2253115/

20 years from now

This from Salon:
http://www.salon.com/life/parenting/index.html?story=/mwt/feature/2010/05/07/us_baby_names

Isabella and Jacob are the top names this year. That would mean that 20 years from now they would be in my class but I will be long gone by then.

I should be able to figure out the top names 20 years ago: Dylan? Dakota? Erick (Eric?) Heather (fading, but still popular)? Amanda? Kate (also fading)?

Overheard in SF / Osteological changes to my mental perceptions

Public Eavesdropping "You shouldn't be allowed to play the ukulele if you don't speak Hawaiian." Street person to uke strummer, overheard in Precita Park by Robert Weiner

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/05/06/DDMG1D8NIO.DTL#ixzz0nBjw3qd7

my sentiments exactly  . . . though the Samoans, Filipinos and Chamorros also do a good job!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Driving home today, my first thought, as a Lexus SUV passed me, was "Nuchal torus!  wow, the back of that SUV looks like a H. erectus skull." That's what teaching a phys. anth lab course does to a person.  Three weeks ago I thought my dish scrubber looked like a clavicle.  I'm teaching the class next fall - hard to say what subconscious comparisons come up.

Veil as Choice, pt. 2

The previous post was an excerpt from a longer article about a Pakistani immigrant and her daughter's response to Islam and the veil in the U.S.  In the longer article, the daughter wrote:

When my mother turned 12, she started wearing a burqa in her hometown of Multan, Pakistan. More than a decade later, she got married and moved to Karachi, then a thriving capital of modernity, where few women wore hijabs, let alone all-encompassing veils.

Growing up in Central Valley, Calif., I had no qualms about showing off my legs in shorts and skirts, and I was shocked to learn my mother had covered every inch of her body. Even more unbelievable to me, though, was that my mother felt pressured when she moved to Karachi to suddenly give up the burqa, a blanket of fabric that had at that point been part of her identity for more than half her life. It provided her with a sense of comfort, it helped define her identity as a Muslim and a woman, and it was gone virtually overnight.

It angered me that she hadn’t protested. What had she wanted to do, I asked her. “It doesn’t matter,” she told me. “We must do what we can to fit in our community.”

She continues:

That is the crux of the problem I see today in Europe’s current battle over the veil: Communities defining how women should cover up or what they should take off.  

In a larger sense, all communities define how individuals, both male and female, should act, because communities set norms of behavior.  An Iranian male once told me that he didn't understand why Americans became upset over stoning for adultery since it was applied to both males and females (though I think he might have been blind to the frequency with which the punishment was not applied to males).  For him, this norm of behavior was coherent and equitable.  Many ethnographies deal with the relative freedom and norms of behavior granted to males and females within a community.  For one such ethnography, I could recommend:  Swartz, Marc J. 1991. The Way the World Is: Cultural Processes and Social Relations Among the Mombasa Swahili. Berkeley: University of California Press. (see:  http://www.anthro.ucsd.edu/Faculty_Profiles/swartz.html)

What is interesting to me in the quotes I've provided are two things:  1.  how the West defines female freedom as the freedom to remove clothing; and, 2.  how the daughter adopted the Western perspective of individual choice, including the choice of defying community norms, while the mother enacted her individual choice privately, allowing her 'outside' to conform, but retaining her belief in her inside.

My American students would claim that this is hypocrisy:  that having a belief includes the freedom to express this belief, and that being veiled prevents free thought or opinion, as if the outside dictates the inside.

I've taught in my class (kudos to Dr. Martin Ottenheimer for this formulation) that Americans have internalized the 'peach pit' schema of personality and personhood, while the East, broadly speaking, has internalized the 'onion' schema.  Prof. Ottenheimer did not use the term 'schema' but it fits, I think.

In the 'peach pit' schema, the notion of an unalterable core or inner self is proposed, and charges of hypocrisy can come from either: 1.  behavior that deviates from professed beliefs or values or, 2.  behavior that changes from context to context, so that the outside fails to conform to the inside.  The 'onion' schema is an idea of personality wherein each layer is present and conforms to the external condition, and as layers are peeled away, eventually the person comes to  . . . nothing.  The person is the set of layers, according to this idea.  The other idea claims that the 'real' person is inside and once social convention is stripped away, that inner, true self can be revealed.

Therefore, I think we can see how the separate schemas:  individual choice, outside conformity versus internal integrity, and the schema of the 'onion' versus the 'peach pit' are at work here.  The American daughter has confronted her own assumption that female freedom equates to baring the body, due to her exposure to alternate behaviors and community norms, but still clings to the notion that choice is internal and individual and that internal choice must match (or be expressed) on the outside of the body in order to conform to cultural schemas of person and integrity.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A follow up post on Iranian and Shiite hypocrisy should come at some time, though I have not experienced this directly in my field work.  Also, I could work this idea into my examination (long delayed!!) of Xander within the Buffyverse (the Whedonverse, more correctly).

Veil as Choice

It was difficult as a teenager to balance the modesty that Islam encourages with the latest fashion trends. I paraded in dresses and short sleeves throughout high school, much to the chagrin of my mother who was disappointed but never told me how to dress. As I grew older, I started reading feminist literature and chatting with like-minded female friends. I found that being a feminist was often equated with being free of the "restrictions" of religion. "Covering up" in particular was taken as de facto proof of oppression, which I knew to be a untrue based on my personal experience with modestly-dressed Muslim women who were outspoken, opinionated, and politically and socially liberal.

I believe the way Islam has been defined in certain contexts has oppressed women, and I disagree with anyone ever being forced to veil. But it isn’t the religious basis for covering up that matters most, it’s a woman’s right to choose whether to cover up because of religion. Religion is her personal domain and she should be able to navigate that realm on her own terms.

from Salon (http://www.salon.com/news/religion/index.html?story=/mwt/broadsheet/2010/04/30/veiling_women_choice)

EZ Takes - Movie Downloads you can watch anywhere

I just read a Boingboing.net post about this movie download service. The company keeps its inventory focused on harder-to-find movies, and maintains a DRM-free catalogue. According to the owner:

 'Now when you buy a title from us, you almost always get: a tiny MP4 that plays on most smart phones; a high-quality MP4 that plays on any iPad, iPhone or video-enabled iPod; a downloadable DVD (for some titles) that you can burn and play on DVD players; and you can stream your purchase immediately, even while other versions download (broadband connection permitting). As an added benefit, iPhone and Android users can login to our mobile site (http://m.eztakes.com) to get their purchases streamed to their mobile phones (no download required). We also let our customers re-download, even if it's far into the future. So, I think it's safe to say that we've bent over backwards to give consumers reasons to buy. The "scarce value" we provide is our service, which lets our customers easily enjoy their content when, where and how they want. ' [from boingboing post http://www.boingboing.net/2010/04/30/eztakes-5000-strong.html]

EZ Takes

comments on BoingBoing.net post

"To be fair, I should add that this is the first smart phone I've ever had, after years of using whatever Nokia crap-101 was bundled with the cheapest plan, and as far as I'm concerned all smart phones seem like elven magic wrought from unicorn tears.' [emphasis added]  from: http://www.boingboing.net/2010/04/27/why-i-wont-buy-an-ip.html

my sentiments exactly.  My smart phone has changed my life.

Facebook changes

The increasing permeation of Facebook into my online activities made me quit the app. I'll send out new invites to this blog.

Fun with Students

One quick story and a short email exchange:

It's been fun this past week, the end of the first two weeks of classes. Closed classes, serious students, 20,000 waitlisted seats in one district, etc. So, on Wed., about 15 minutes after class got out (during my 'office' hours) and after I had just finished adding 2 students and going over the syllabus, 3 guys wander into my classroom. here's the conversation:

    "hi. can we add this class?"

I'm very suspicious as to their motives, so I ask: "What class do you think this is?"

    "uh, psychology?"

    "no"

he (looking around and noticing the map on the wall), said somewhat triumphantly: "geography!"

    "no"

a note of desperation creeps into his voice "uh, English??!?"

    "no"

At that point I broke down laughing and said: "well, we could be here all day while you guess. It's anthropology."

    "oh. can we add the class? we need it to keep our insurance."

I said they could, and they went outside to confer. One came back in and said he wanted to add, and then after we went over the syllabus and he went out to talk with his friends, the other two came back in and they wanted to add. I told them I was exhausted and I was hoarse, so if they emailed me I would send them an add code.

One did email me, but I decided to make him come to class Monday where I'd give him the add code in person. He actually did show up, and is in the class.

Yesterday I got an email from a kid who wanted to add one of my other classes. I replied, by email: which class?
He or she answered: either astronomy or anthropology. I replied: I'm teaching THREE anthro. classes at this college. which one do you want? They never did email me back; perhaps their astronomy teacher was less demanding.
------------------------------------
So, the moral is, for those of you who have 18-22 yr. old children, or will have: they're ok. The kids are all right. Their life is stressful and they don't have the skills yet to manage it, but they try. And half of their teachers love them.

Our liberties

I received this from the AAUP (Amer. Assoc. of University Professors) this morning (I've been following this topic since 2008, courtesy of Boingboing.net):

In early 2008 it became apparent that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) had implemented a new and invasive policy giving U.S. Customs and Border Patrol agents the authority to seize and copy electronic and printed materials at U.S. border crossings without any suspicion of wrongdoing by the traveler. Despite the subsequent change of administration, the department has not reinstated the previous policy, which required agents to have individualized suspicion before seizing or searching the contents of laptops and other electronic devices.

The AAUP joined with other civil liberties organizations in a May 2008 letter to Congress on this issue, and first alerted AAUP members in an October 2008 e-newsletter. We continued to press the issue through a letter from General Secretary Gary Rhoades to newly confirmed DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano in March 2009, and by joining a number of organizations calling on Congress in October 2009 to increase its oversight of the DHS Chief Privacy Officer.

The government’s continued authority to search personal and private data without individualized suspicion could have serious consequences for faculty members who travel in order to teach, speak, conduct research, and collaborate with colleagues around the world. In light of this, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has requested the AAUP’s assistance once again in gathering information about how this policy is being applied to traveling faculty members.

Please take a moment to review the questions below. If your answer to any of the questions is yes, please briefly describe your experience and e-mail your response to laptopsearch@aclu.org. (You may also copy your response to John Curtis, AAUP Director of Research and Public Policy, at jcurtis@aaup.org.) The ACLU and AAUP promise confidentiality to any faculty member responding to this request.

(1) When entering or leaving the United States, has a U.S. official ever examined or browsed the contents of your laptop, PDA, cell phone, or other electronic device?

(2) When entering or leaving the United States, has a U.S. official ever detained your laptop, PDA, cell phone, or other electronic device?

(3) In light of the U.S. government’s policy of conducting suspicionless searches of laptops and other electronic devices, have you taken extra steps to safeguard your electronic information when traveling internationally, such as using encryption software or shipping a hard drive ahead to your destination?

(4) Has the U.S. government’s policy of conducting suspicionless searches of laptops and other electronic devices affected the frequency with which you travel internationally or your willingness to travel with information stored on electronic devices?

The AAUP Government Relations Committee will continue to inform AAUP members and all faculty and academic professionals of important policy matters and advocate on their behalf. We appreciate your advocacy and your responses.

Brian Turner, Randolph-Macon College (Virginia) and Chair, AAUP Government Relations Committee

For a deeper understanding of the Department of Homeland Security’s policy please see the below links to press coverage about and AAUP actions on this issue.

“Bush's Search Policy For Travelers Is Kept,” Washington Post, 8/29/09

Letter from General Secretary Gary Rhoades to DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano, March 20, 2009

“Expanded Powers to Search Travelers at Border Detailed” Washington Post, 9/23/08

“Search and Replace” [editorial], Washington Post, 8/13/08

“US Border Agency Says It Can Seize Laptops” PC World, 8/3/08

“Travelers' Laptops May Be Detained At Border: No Suspicion Required Under DHS Policies” Washington Post, 8/1/08

Letter to House Committee on Homeland Security, May 1, 2008



The AAUP Online is an electronic newsletter of the American Association of University Professors.  Learn more about the AAUP. Visit us on Facebook.

Name that occupation

BP now estimates as much as 100 gallons of crude oil may have spilled in an area around a well house where a pipe broke in the Prudhoe Bay oil field, Alaska officials said Tuesday. BP's initial estimate was 3 gallons of oil.

The spill, discovered Dec. 21, came from a 6-inch line carrying a mixture of crude oil, water and natural gas, said spokesman Weld Royal of the state Department of Environmental Conservation. [emphasis added]

Mr. Weld Royal investigates broken pipes. (from the AP Wires)

What the web has become

I've been concerned for some time about trends on the web. Issues such as privacy violations, commercialization (yes, I'm using google, the biggest advertising service online) and the polarization of the news as a result of customizable news feeds are all trends to watch.

This article in Slate encapsulated my concerns.

http://www.slate.com/id/2239466/

End of year/new year thoughts, pt. 2

I noticed the headline for this article in the SF Chronicle a few days ago but I avoided reading the story because of the wording:  "Earth on track for epic die-off, scientists say."  The main point wasn't as bad as the headline implied, and the reporter included this line: 

 "If we redouble our conservation efforts, we can stem the tide of extinctions and have those species around in the future," he said. "There is a bit of urgency here. By demonstrating that we have already lost 15 to 42 percent of mammalian diversity, the question is, do we really want to lose any more? I think the answer to that is pretty obvious." 

The scientist quoted is Anthony Barnoski, a UC-Berkeley biologist (integrative biology), and he is referring to the mass die-off that occurred in N. America 12,000 years ago when humans arrived on this continent.

Redouble our efforts.

I read about a relatively cheap and effective idea to combat global warming that's gotten little attention. The plan, to paint roofs white, would be effective in cities.  According to this article in the L.A. Times, the suggestion by Steven Chu, if put into effect, might save as much carbon dioxide from building up in the atmosphere as removing 600 million cars from the roads for 18 years.  The estimate did not provide data as to the average mileage of the cars, so I assume they meant standard American cars with an average of 25 miles per gallon efficiency.

Drawbacks to this plan include questions of aesthetics and the inability of white roofs in colder climates to melt snow, thereby raising heating costs because the sun's heat would not penetrate through the snow and the reflective coating.  However, this plan would be highly effective in hotter, sunny climates.  The fastest growing regions in the USA are the South and Southwest, so this would be beneficial in those regions, and world wide, more people live in equatorial cities  than in cities north of the equator.

Another relatively cheap plan would be to replace wood-burning ovens that produce heavy amounts of particulate matter with efficient solar ovens, or clean stoves (carbon offset projects demo).  According to Wired, this relatively cheap intervention would reduce or eliminate one quarter of the world's soot and smoke released into the atmosphere, the type of particulate matter that coal-fired power plants and cars produce.  A climate report released by UCSD's Scripps Institution of Oceanography in March, 2008 described the immediate improvement to be accrued if smokeless stoves were to be distributed throughout regions relying on wood, dung or coal for cooking fuel.  According to the authors of that report, (also quoted in the Wired article), soot and other particulate air pollution are 60% as polluting as carbon dioxide.  These particulates, called 'black carbon,' are also produced by burning diesel fuel and so are produced in northern regions that rely on diesel to heat homes in the winter.  A number of agencies have begun projects to distribute clean stoves, including the Surya Project, begun by Dr. Veerabhadran Ramanathan, of Scripps (see above).

So, what do we have?  Projects to distribute clean stoves, a plan to paint roofs white and a net result of slowing global warming.  Not too bad.  To quote another of my favorite authors, too often we are paralyzed by the difficult choices set before us and thereby miss our options.

next post:  vertical farms

End of year/new year thoughts

So, no party.  Maman had a stroke and was taken to the local med. school.  She was given TPA, but I have yet to hear how she's doing.  I've called, and emailed the boys, but no word yet.  She'd had a heart attack in April or thereabouts, and this last can't be good.

I got 2 interesting pieces of mail:  one urging me to get insurance to protect me if I need long-term care (I'm going to look into that) and the other to think about joining the Peace Corps.  Very interesting idea. I will look into that too.

I did another long-term projection of my finances, and it doesn't look good.  I'll need to die before age 75, if not before.  I'm not too worried; I think my chances of long-term survival aren't that good.

I wish my roommate could learn to load the dishwasher correctly.  Such a stupid concern, given how much of the world doesn't have dishes or water, but it's the daily things that wear us down and affect our happiness rating.  I really need to re-read "Stumbling on Happiness" in order to critique it, if I can, and to get some perspective.  The economic crisis gave me some insight or, I should say, a reminder of how freeing loss of control can be (a quote I picked up from Michael J. Fox), and I need to remember that when things aren't good.  "The days are long but the years are short" is my new motto.

James has learned that when I start to lift him by putting my hand under his chest, I will then almost instantly pick up his outside back foot, so that he can partially support himself. Yesterday I noticed that he lifted his foot for me, in anticipation.  I'm really happy about that.  I tested it today, and it seems to be something he's really learned.  I'm going to work on taking him to the vet now.  He was really good in December, and only growled after he got back in his carrier.  I think the short visits helped.  I'll take him the next time I pick up some canned food, later this week.

One of my friends said her blog is to document her children.  Mine is to document my life.  My inspiration:  Doogie Howser, Wil Wheaton, and any movie or show with voice-over narration.  I know a lot of people hate it, but I really like it.

I'm having trouble settling down to reading a book, or watching a movie that's serious.  I remember feeling like this years ago, and not knowing what to do.  I had that odd, restless sensation, nothing made me happy.  I watched "Dogma" and felt so much better.  The combination of theology and low humour seemed to do the trick.  I also keep thinking about the Laurie King book I read over Thanksgiving (Folly) that I think I need to read it again.  And the rest of her stuff.  Her bio is inspiring.

I started a new sweater yesterday, for the little guy.  I finished up the blanket, hat and scarf for E's little guy, and will put the buttons and drawstring on the set I promised Nancy years ago.  In doing so, I re-read some of Elizabeth Zimmerman's Almanac of Knitting.  I'd forgotten the gorgeous descriptions of north woods camping she'd included.  I think, if I could, I'd do my life over and focus on knitting, like I'd wanted to 25 years ago.  Researching Ecuadoran women's collectives would have been an excellent project.  I was so stupid.

I should make a list of regrets.  I could see how fear and self-loathing kept me from accomplishing anything.  and still are.  hence the blog.  I've been so afraid to write the dissertation for what it would reveal about my personality and flaws that it's been overwhelming. yet, Wil Wheaton reveals himself.

I have an idealistic and narrow perspective of the world.