End of year/new year thoughts

So, no party.  Maman had a stroke and was taken to the local med. school.  She was given TPA, but I have yet to hear how she's doing.  I've called, and emailed the boys, but no word yet.  She'd had a heart attack in April or thereabouts, and this last can't be good.

I got 2 interesting pieces of mail:  one urging me to get insurance to protect me if I need long-term care (I'm going to look into that) and the other to think about joining the Peace Corps.  Very interesting idea. I will look into that too.

I did another long-term projection of my finances, and it doesn't look good.  I'll need to die before age 75, if not before.  I'm not too worried; I think my chances of long-term survival aren't that good.

I wish my roommate could learn to load the dishwasher correctly.  Such a stupid concern, given how much of the world doesn't have dishes or water, but it's the daily things that wear us down and affect our happiness rating.  I really need to re-read "Stumbling on Happiness" in order to critique it, if I can, and to get some perspective.  The economic crisis gave me some insight or, I should say, a reminder of how freeing loss of control can be (a quote I picked up from Michael J. Fox), and I need to remember that when things aren't good.  "The days are long but the years are short" is my new motto.

James has learned that when I start to lift him by putting my hand under his chest, I will then almost instantly pick up his outside back foot, so that he can partially support himself. Yesterday I noticed that he lifted his foot for me, in anticipation.  I'm really happy about that.  I tested it today, and it seems to be something he's really learned.  I'm going to work on taking him to the vet now.  He was really good in December, and only growled after he got back in his carrier.  I think the short visits helped.  I'll take him the next time I pick up some canned food, later this week.

One of my friends said her blog is to document her children.  Mine is to document my life.  My inspiration:  Doogie Howser, Wil Wheaton, and any movie or show with voice-over narration.  I know a lot of people hate it, but I really like it.

I'm having trouble settling down to reading a book, or watching a movie that's serious.  I remember feeling like this years ago, and not knowing what to do.  I had that odd, restless sensation, nothing made me happy.  I watched "Dogma" and felt so much better.  The combination of theology and low humour seemed to do the trick.  I also keep thinking about the Laurie King book I read over Thanksgiving (Folly) that I think I need to read it again.  And the rest of her stuff.  Her bio is inspiring.

I started a new sweater yesterday, for the little guy.  I finished up the blanket, hat and scarf for E's little guy, and will put the buttons and drawstring on the set I promised Nancy years ago.  In doing so, I re-read some of Elizabeth Zimmerman's Almanac of Knitting.  I'd forgotten the gorgeous descriptions of north woods camping she'd included.  I think, if I could, I'd do my life over and focus on knitting, like I'd wanted to 25 years ago.  Researching Ecuadoran women's collectives would have been an excellent project.  I was so stupid.

I should make a list of regrets.  I could see how fear and self-loathing kept me from accomplishing anything.  and still are.  hence the blog.  I've been so afraid to write the dissertation for what it would reveal about my personality and flaws that it's been overwhelming. yet, Wil Wheaton reveals himself.

I have an idealistic and narrow perspective of the world.